Good Days/Bad Days

When I was a first-year teacher, I had this journal. On one side it said "Good Days" and there was a picture of a smiling baby. On the other side, "Bad Days" and the same baby crying. Even after a hard day, I could always find something to laugh about or feel good about, so when I went to jot down my thoughts, I always picked the Good Days side. In that whole first year, I never once wrote anything under Bad Days.

These days, I feel like I'm having more Bad Days than Good Days.

Chelsea is constantly having some meltdown or other. Savannah is the easiest baby on earth, but she's still a baby, so we're up in the middle of the night and it seems like I'm nursing all day. I feel like I'm grumpy all the time and I don't know how not to be grumpy anymore.

Lately when Jeremy leaves for work, I wish I could leave, too. I used to be so relieved to be staying at home, not to have to rush around in the morning and go to a job that I hated. Now it feels like any job would be a vacation. But I worry that if I went back to work, I'd hate that, too.

I want to stay home. I think it's the best thing for them. But I don't know if it's the best thing for me.