Discovering What Millions Already Know!

I hate running. I usually read while running on the treadmill because I think it makes the time seem to go by faster and distract me from the fact that I am running. When I run outdoors, I don't usually listen to music because I'm afraid of getting hit by cars that I did not hear coming.

Yesterday was the first day I ran with my new iPod. I was so excited to finally use it but also concerned that it wouldn't distract me enough from oh my gosh, why am I still running? But it was AMAZING. I have never been so happy while running. Ever. I was smiling. While running.

There are a couple of downsides to running with iPod. First, telling everyone at the Y that I'm bringing sexy back (yeah!) or that I'm going to shake it like a Polaroid picture. They didn't want to know. And second, looking like a fool on the treadmill by dancing with only my head and pointer fingers. But I will trade looking and sounding like a fool for smiling while running ANY DAY.

(Props to Dr. J for the iPod and awesome pre-loaded mega-mix.)

Baby Savannah

When we first came up with the name Savannah, I wasn't too sure about it. One of my concerns was that we wouldn't be able to insert her name into songs the way we do with Chelsea's name. At our house, Old McChelsea has a farm and the baker man marks it with a "C" (for Chelsea and me). I imagined that Chelsea would have all these songs we doctored to include her name and Savannah would miss out, one more downside to being the second child.

The other day, Jeremy brought home a CD from the library with Raffi's Baby Beluga on it. This song is notorious in our family as the over-played favorite of our cousin Kendra when she was little. But as soon as it got to the chorus, I sang, "Baby Savannah, Baby Savannah." Is it too horrible for a child who was 100%ile on the weight charts that her song is about a baby whale? At least she has one song that's all her own.

The Negotiator

Naptime at my house.

1:00pm
(After reading, singing, and back-rubbing.)
Me: "I love you, have a good rest." *walks out door, closes gate*

1:05pm
Her: *jumping up and down on bed* "WISHY-WASHY! WISHY WASHY! WISHY WASHY!"
Me: (in angry mom voice) "You need to lie down and go to bed."

1:07pm
Her: "You need Mommy to fix your sheets."
Me: *fixes sheets* "If you get out of bed again, I will not fix your sheets."

1:10pm
Her: "Your tummy hurts; you need Mommy to put the boo-boo doggy on it."
Me: "Your tummy hurts?"
Her: "And your head."
Me: "You know what will make it feel better? A NAP."

1:15pm
Her: "Your diaper is a little bit wet, you need to sit on the potty to let the rest out."
Me: *gets her to the potty*
Her: *sits there with nothing happening* "You need to sit on the big toilet!"
Me: *gets her on big toilet*
Her: *sits there some more*
Me: "Is anything coming?"
Her: "Pee-pee AND poo-poo!"
Me: *puts her diaper back on after nothing happens on toilet*

1:30pm
Her: (back in her room) "RUNNY NOSE! YOU NEED A TISSUE!"

1:32pm
Her: "Your ear hurts. You need Mommy to kiss it."

1:35pm
Her: "TIGER IS WET! YOU NEED MOMMY TO WIPE HIM!"

1:42pm
Her: *sitting at gate with legs poking through* "YOU NEED TO GET OUT RIGHT NOW!"

1:48pm
Her: *fast asleep in bed*
Me: *sigh*

How to Forget the Potty in 5 Easy Steps!

Step 1: Make a packing list for a 7 day trip to Maine. Leave the potty off the list.

Step 2: Realize later that you left the potty off the list. Add it to the top of the list in ALL CAPS.

Step 3: Review the list with husband after everything is packed while infant cries and toddler whines at your feet. Put check marks next to everything else and a big circle around POTTY which is still not packed.

Step 4: Put the big girl in a diaper for the long car drive and neglect to make one last potty stop before leaving.

Step 5: Drive away from your house with the potty safely in the bathroom at home! Voila! (Then stop at Babies R Us on the way to the freeway to buy a duplicate potty. Grrr.)

Universe: You Cannot Thwart Me!

Dear Universe,
As you know, I have recently started a running program. Why are you so intent on messing with my plans? You should know the insane power of my will. Witness the two children who came into the world on exactly the day I intended. Because I willed them to do so. So, again, why are you trying to subvert my plans? Let's review the score so far.

Day One: You send me too-small shoes and too-sore boobs. Too easy, Universe! I buy new shoes and wear three bras.
Score: Me: 1, Universe: 0

Day 2: I plan to bring the kiddies to the YMCA to do my run, but you give them both runny noses preventing me from passing them off as healthy at the Y daycare. No problem, I run after dinner when their daddy is home to watch them.
Score: Me: 2, Universe: Zip

Day 3: You turn our 5-hour drive to Maine into a 10-hour marathon. I counter by planning to run a day late. We will be staying at Acadia National Park, so I plan to simply walk out the door and run through the glory of nature. But you inconveniently place our temporary abode at the top of a giant hill. Now I'm starting to get pissed. Jeremy suggests that I go run on the nearby carriage roads. Aha! I've bested you again, Universe! I drive there (one minute away down the giant hill), get out of the car, tie my little key to my shoe, only to see that you have placed a sign at the entrance: "DO NOT ENTER. Carriage Roads temporarily closed." Touché, Universe. But I am still too crafty for you! I head into Bar Harbor and run through the empty streets! Hah!
Score: Me: 3, Universe: Zilch

Day 4: Now you are really messing with me. You make Savannah sleep for 6 hours straight so that I wake up feeling all peppy and refreshed, thinking that you have finally given up. Then? You give me mastitis. Are you kidding me with this? I run anyway. I chant the whole time to myself, "Running cures mastitis, running cures mastitis." I tell myself that at least the throbbing in my boob takes my mind off the fact that I hate running. I still win, Universe!
Score: Me: A million, bazillion. Universe: NOTHING!!!

Today is Day 5 and you send me another longer-than-long drive back home from Maine. Guess what, Universe? I will run tomorrow.

The point is this, Universe: Quit messing with me. I cannot be stopped!

Sincerely,
Heidi

PS I wasn't even going to mention the part where you made me forget to pack my neatly typed running plan AND took away my internet access so I couldn't even search for the attachment that I sent a friend, but you leave me no choice! I had to call a friend in New York to log into my email over the phone. You even tried to leave me with no paper or pencil. I wrote with crayon! On the information sheet from the new potty!!! TKO, Universe. TKO.

Easy Money

I just saw this article on Yahoo's homepage about how to have $1 million dollars at retirement based on one year of savings. Guess how much you have to save in that one year? Just the measly sum of $20, 500! Oh, and you have to be 26 years old. Woops! The author shows how you can achieve the million-dollar mark at later ages, by saving that amount for 2 or more years. Simple, yes? Not so much. Here's my letter to the author of this piece.

Dear Mr. Saletta,
I've just read your article and I'm disappointed that you seem to be out of touch with the financial reality of so many Americans today. You rightly recognize that it is unrealistic to expect a 26-year-old to save $20,500 in a year, however, you forget that for many (if not most) families in this country, this is also an unreachable goal. In my specific circumstance, my husband has a PhD and I have a Master's degree but because I am staying home with our two children right now (rather than work just to pay for daycare) we are struggling simply to survive on one income. The only money that's going into our IRAs this year is the unexpected tax rebate check; there's no additional money in our budget for any savings, much less $20K of savings. I understand that your article is meant to attract attention and offer a unique look at the power of compounding, but to me, it was disrespectful to the many working people who could never afford to do this.
Sincerely,
Heidi Long


Yes, I am a righteous beyotch. But, c'mon, do you have $20K to sock away this year?


Edited to add: After I sent this rant to Mr. Saletta, he wrote back a very sincere message saying that he's in the same financial crunch that we are and that his article was actually the product of his second job. Ouch. Now I feel like just a regular old beyotch.

NOT a Kids Music Blog. I Swear!

Driving in the car today (alone!) I heard Hungry Like the Wolf on the radio and decided I should make an animal-themed CD for Chelsea. She already likes Eye of the Tiger and Brass Monkey. Yes, I know they are not really about tigers and monkeys. But SHE doesn't. My two favorite songs at age 7 were J. Geils Band's Centerfold (I liked the whistling and na-na-na-naing) and Steve Miller Band's Abracadabra (I thought it was about magic). It was about last year that I realized how scandalous and totally inappropriate for a second-grader those songs are, so I don't think Chelsea will notice that her "animal" songs aren't what they seem. I'm thinking TMBG's Dr. Worm and Snailshell. But that's about where my imagination ends. Oooh, I just remembered Rock Lobster! Ok, if anyone is reading this (hah!) any other ideas?

Cool Kids' Radio Show

Finally some kids' music that doesn't make me gag.

Emerson College Radio, WERS, hosts The Playground every Saturday and Sunday evening. They stream it live online so if you're not in the Boston area (or if like me, you get no radio reception at home) you can still listen. It's great stuff, everything from movie tunes (Hakuna Matata), to TV show theme songs (Ninja Turtles!), to kids pop (High School Musical) and lots of fun, independent artists. Bonus: each song title and artist are displayed on screen as you listen. Helpful if you want to track down CDs or if you have a toddler in the background chanting, "What song this is? What song this is?"