Timeline of a Long Night

7pm Put baby to bed. Drink Polar Diet Dry Orange Soda. Ahhhh.

8:30pm Put big girl to bed, amid MUCH protest. ("I don't know how to sleep! I'm not tired! My poo poo is coming! I'm so hungry, my legs are hungry!")

9:15pm Big girl finally asleep. (Or at least, quiet.)

9:30pm Dreamfeed baby, nurse AND bottle. Go to bed.

12:ooam Wake up to blood-curdling screams, coming from baby. Angrily stomp to baby, nurse, put her back to bed. Return to bed thinking, "How can you not even sleep for 3 hours on such a full tummy???"

4:45 Wake up to baby whimpering. Angrily try to ignore it hoping she'll fall back asleep. Husband leaves for gym.

5am Finally give in and get baby, who falls asleep on shoulder. Sit down on couch and stare at ceiling. Try unsuccessfully to sleep while baby breathes heavily into my ear.

5:30am Piercing beep every 30 seconds from unknown source. Get up, cupping hand over sleeping baby's exposed ear, to locate source of horrendous beeping.

5:35am Put baby down (who miraculously stays asleep) to pull carbon monoxide detector off the wall. Read back to determine that beeping means only that the detector needs to be replaced and not that we are all about to die in our sleep. Remove batteries. Return to bed.

5:45am Hear husband returning home from gym, showering, and bothering me by tip-toeing around and being awake at an unreasonable hour.

6am Awakened by husband: "Why did you take the batteries out of the CO2 detector?"

Me, too tired to be pissed that husband was not home to take the detector off the wall for me: "Because it was beeping."
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