Dear Universe,
As you know, I have recently started a running program. Why are you so intent on messing with my plans? You should know the insane power of my will. Witness the two children who came into the world on exactly the day I intended. Because I willed them to do so. So, again, why are you trying to subvert my plans? Let's review the score so far.
Day One: You send me too-small shoes and too-sore boobs. Too easy, Universe! I buy new shoes and wear three bras.
Score: Me: 1, Universe: 0
Day 2: I plan to bring the kiddies to the YMCA to do my run, but you give them both runny noses preventing me from passing them off as healthy at the Y daycare. No problem, I run after dinner when their daddy is home to watch them.
Score: Me: 2, Universe: Zip
Day 3: You turn our 5-hour drive to Maine into a 10-hour marathon. I counter by planning to run a day late. We will be staying at Acadia National Park, so I plan to simply walk out the door and run through the glory of nature. But you inconveniently place our temporary abode at the top of a giant hill. Now I'm starting to get pissed. Jeremy suggests that I go run on the nearby carriage roads. Aha! I've bested you again, Universe! I drive there (one minute away down the giant hill), get out of the car, tie my little key to my shoe, only to see that you have placed a sign at the entrance: "DO NOT ENTER. Carriage Roads temporarily closed." Touché, Universe. But I am still too crafty for you! I head into Bar Harbor and run through the empty streets! Hah!
Score: Me: 3, Universe: Zilch
Day 4: Now you are really messing with me. You make Savannah sleep for 6 hours straight so that I wake up feeling all peppy and refreshed, thinking that you have finally given up. Then? You give me mastitis. Are you kidding me with this? I run anyway. I chant the whole time to myself, "Running cures mastitis, running cures mastitis." I tell myself that at least the throbbing in my boob takes my mind off the fact that I hate running. I still win, Universe!
Score: Me: A million, bazillion. Universe: NOTHING!!!
Today is Day 5 and you send me another longer-than-long drive back home from Maine. Guess what, Universe? I will run tomorrow.
The point is this, Universe: Quit messing with me. I cannot be stopped!
Sincerely,
Heidi
PS I wasn't even going to mention the part where you made me forget to pack my neatly typed running plan AND took away my internet access so I couldn't even search for the attachment that I sent a friend, but you leave me no choice! I had to call a friend in New York to log into my email over the phone. You even tried to leave me with no paper or pencil. I wrote with crayon! On the information sheet from the new potty!!! TKO, Universe. TKO.
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1 comment:
OK, you had me cracking up. I admire your stamina. I really thought the three bras and telling yourself that running cures mastitis were pretty great--also the ending about forgetting the plan. ;)
Lisa P
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