I Heart the DMV!

Round 1

DMV Bitch: Next in line!

Me: I need a license and registration.

DMVB: (handing me two forms, a clipboard, but no pen) Is your car parked in the front lot? You need to go around the side for vehicle verification.

Me: Ok... (Go outside, drive around, get another form from the car verifier lady, go back inside.)

Round 2

Me: (handing the DMVB my verification form)

DMVB: Where are the rest of them?

Me: I didn't finish them yet.

DMVB: I need all three.

Me: (sitting down with the hordes, only to see that question number 8,459,922 is "List the current mileage of your vehicle; go back out to the car and note mileage; call Jeremy to answer question 9,445,899: "List the purchase price of the vehicle." Leave question 9,889,656 intentionally blank: "How much sales tax was paid on this vehicle?" Cross my fingers and hope for the best.)

Round 3

DMBV (to another customer): I'm only trying to make sure you have everything so you don't wait in the big line and find out you can't do what you need to do. That's what this desk is for."

Other customer: (takes papers and leaves unhappily)

Me: (handing DMVB my completed papers)

DMVB: Registration card?

Me: Yes! (handing it over)

DMVB: License?

Me: Yes! (ditto)

DMVB: Passport, birth certificate, and marriage license?

Me: (crestfallen) I didn't bring any of those things.

DMVB: You can't get your license, but do you still want to wait and get your registration?

Me: Hmmm, let me think. Do I want to stand in the long-ass line for a couple of hours only to partially complete the chores I came here to do? And then come back on another day and stand in the same fucking line again? No, I don't think I'd like to do that.

(I didn't really say that, of course. I just said no, took my papers and left. Called Jeremy and cried. Went to the car and cried some more. And then waited until I'd cooled off to start driving back to my mom's, where my parents were watching the girls yet again.)

Mostly I am mad at myself, because it's my own fault for not having everything I needed. (Although, why do they need my marriage license to let me drive a car?) But I'm also mad at the DMV Bitch, because if her job is to prevent me from wasting my time why didn't she tell me I needed all that shit the first time I walked up to her? I still would have been pissed, but at least I wouldn't have wasted both of our time.

Yay! California is just so much fun sometimes I can't even stand it.
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