When I was a first-year teacher, I had this journal. On one side it said "Good Days" and there was a picture of a smiling baby. On the other side, "Bad Days" and the same baby crying. Even after a hard day, I could always find something to laugh about or feel good about, so when I went to jot down my thoughts, I always picked the Good Days side. In that whole first year, I never once wrote anything under Bad Days.
These days, I feel like I'm having more Bad Days than Good Days.
Chelsea is constantly having some meltdown or other. Savannah is the easiest baby on earth, but she's still a baby, so we're up in the middle of the night and it seems like I'm nursing all day. I feel like I'm grumpy all the time and I don't know how not to be grumpy anymore.
Lately when Jeremy leaves for work, I wish I could leave, too. I used to be so relieved to be staying at home, not to have to rush around in the morning and go to a job that I hated. Now it feels like any job would be a vacation. But I worry that if I went back to work, I'd hate that, too.
I want to stay home. I think it's the best thing for them. But I don't know if it's the best thing for me.
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4 comments:
hi grumpy
well it it not easy to be a stay at home mom,but in the long run you are doing the right thing,and sooner than you think you will be un-grumpy again.Wish i could help.
love oma
Oma called you grumpy!
jl
It's called sleep deprivation! How could you be happy about anything when you only get 3-4 hours of sleep at a time. And you have 2 young girls, it's hard having them so close, since Chelsea still needs you soo much. I wish I could say it gets better, but until you're getting 6-8 hours of sleep in a solid block, you're going to be grumpy.
And we both know that going to work is way easier than staying at home. Working people get moments of silence and potty breaks and coffee that generally doesn't get spilled on themselves. But you are a great mom and someday you'll miss them. That's what I tell myself when I want to throttle my boys
And fret not, because there are always anti-depressants (i'm only half-kidding).
love,
trace
trace,
i prolly shouldn't admit this on the interwebs (all my mommy friends will kill me) but savannah sleeps from 8pm until 6am pretty much every night. i still feed her around 10pm, so i don't get in bed til then, but still. i'm getting more sleep than i would expect with a three-month-old in the house. i have decided chelsea needs to watch more tv... for MY sanity. also? she's not allowed to wear pants anymore. i'm tired of washing pee-soaked pants.
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